[hehehe]

--Excerpts from "How to Tell if Your Boyfriend is the Anti-Christ (and if he is, should you break up with him?)"
(I picked the funniest ones; and yes... portions are kinda naughty... sowwy.)

How to tell if your boyfriend is a Serial Killer
-Your cat has some unexplained injuries
-After your first night together, your breath smells of chloroform
-Cuts up your InStyle to compose manifestos
-You always have to take your car because his has no passenger seat
Should you break up with him?: In a word. Yes. This is one of the few cases where it's entirely appropriate to break up over the phone. Preferably from an undisclosed location, several hundred miles away.

How to tell if your boyfriend is a Zombie
-His look is kind of grunge
-Dry, flaky skin; unruly hair
-Putrefaction is causing major B.O.
-Hard to impress
-Chunks of your flesh are rapidly disappearing
Should you break up with him?: You should. This guy is only after your body. His lust for flesh is all-consuming. But don't worry, hes' not the brightest bulb, so a breakup merely involves running like hell. Fortunately, he's easily distracted, so disappear into the nearest crowd. Chances are he'll find someone there who will satisfy him just as well.

How to tell if your boyfriend is a Polygamist
-He has twenty-eight kids
-No problem with commitment
-Surprisingly willing to wait for sex
-You're fifteen
Should you break up with him?: Yes. He considers himself a man of God, so put it to him this way: God never intended for twelve women to share a single penis. Especially one that small.

How to tell if your boyfriend is too old for you
-Can't be on top until he gets his hip replacement
-Makes dinner reservations for 4:30
-Urinates fifty times a day
-His "ATV" looks suspiciously like a HoverRound
-You feel compelled to check on him during a heat wave
Should you break up with him?: So your daddy didn't love you. But that's not your fualt! Well, probably not, anyway. Don't punish yourself by exclusively doing geezers. Get some therapy and find yourself a man with a prostate and some muscle tone. You deserve it.

How to tell if your boyfriend is a Rageaholic
-Tries to pass off 'dumbass' as a pet name
-Your friends are alarmed at the increase in freak accidents you're experiencing
-It's his goddamn fucking house, and he'll leave the goddamn fucking toilet seat up if he wants to.
-He's pissed about those court-ordered anger management classes
Should you break up with him?:You should definitely break up with him. Maybe he'll change someday, maybe he won't, but you can't afford to wait it out. Work on your self-esteem and stop banging your head against this particular wall. Or, you know, his fist.

How to tell if your boyfriend is addicted to Porn
-The remote is sticky again
-So is the keyboard
-And the phone
Should you break up with him?: Sure, porn can be part of a healthy relationship. But when your boyfriend complains that sex with you cuts into his wanking time, you have a problem. He prefers fantasy to reality. So unless you're willing to settle for a fantasy orgasm, break up. He'll know exactly what to do with all that extra time on his hands.

How to tell if your boyfriend is trying to kill you
-Can't wait to show you how to play the choking game
-Sleeps most comfortably with his pillow over your face
-Interested to learn you're not a strong swimmer
-Likes to clean his guns near your head
Should you break up with him?: Only you and he really know if you deserve to be killed. ARe you rich? Unfaithful? A castrating bitch? Pregnant? Or all of the above? Regardless, its' time for a heart-to-heart. What you really have here is a communication problem. Listen to what he needs from the relationship and impress upon him your strong will to live. Maybe you can meet each other halfway. Actually insist that he meet you all the way. And if he agrees, give him one more chance. After that, if he 'didn't know it was loaded,' go on and prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.

AAAAND!! My favourite.

How to tell if your boyfriend is a Trekkie
-Spock ears in the underwear drawer.
-Lapses into Klingon during orgasm
-Tried to kick your ass when you claimed to prefer Voyager. But couldn't.
-You're his first
Should you break up with him?: Star Trek is a fairly harmless obsession. But if you don't share it, it could eventually come between the two of you. So start watching the stupid show tih him. See if you can get into it. If it weirds you out, break up.
He might curse your Romulan ways, but just brush it off. He's hurt. And if you change your mind and want him back, pick up the phone and give him a call. Don't worry--he'll be available.