Men = Confabulating

Here's my list of "Things I'll never understand about men."

Disclaimer: Before you get peeved and hate me, read to the fecking END. If you still hate me then, well, you don't know what you're missing. :)

1. They're always warm. We have the same body temperatures, but, they're always warm.
2. They can fall asleep... anywhere.
3. They act like a common cold is killing them, but when I feel like I'm having my uterus ripped out once every month, I'm supposed to buck up and take it.
4. They always know where they're going. It's like they have built-in GPS.
5. They whine and complain to female friends about petty things (i.e. not having a girlfriend) and don't realize until LATER what an ass they were being (ass factor multiplies by two if the female friend was also single).
6. They're incessantly overprotective of their girlfriends but not of their girl friends.
7. They don't comprehend that WE TALK ABOUT THEM... so what they say to/about one girl usually gets forwarded to one or more of her closest friends for input.
8. They never cease to find amusement in lame jokes like "That's what she said..."
9. They expect women to overlook physical flaws because women are 'sensitive' like that (at least the good ones are...) but they tend not to overlook women's physical flaws because overcoming shallowness is more difficult than dating whatever pretty ditz is available.
10. They can never believe it when said pretty ditz turns out to be a slut/bitch/whore, and they either end up taking her back, or moping around incessantly (see number 5).
11. They're usually better at math, and science.
12. They postpone and procrastinate, and when someone reminds them to do something they get pissed because said remind-er was supposed to know that they had it under control the ENTIRE time.
13. Their driving may not be criticized, even when they throw their passengers around with roller-coaster-like turn sequences.
14. They're way too serious about impractical things (i.e. control of the remote...control).
15. Selective hearing.
16. Why they expect that being macho is attractive to all women.
17. Penis envy. (I won't envy your penis until you give me reason to.)
18. Why they think that being 'ripped' makes them more attractive. Hard and lumpy ≠ cuddly. And *this* girl prefers cuddly (and I know my friend's preferences as well... *whisper* we're a lot alike. *wink*) [see this link if you wish to be revolted by something really lumpy... but click at your own risk, and don't say I didn't warn you. http://www.watching-paint-dry.com/v7ndotcom-elursrebmem/black-hats/black-hat-steroid.gif]
19. The bottomless cast iron pit that is their stomach.
20. Their epic ability to understand all sports, even the ones they don't follow.
21. They very rarely get uncomfortable, and neuroticism is foreign to them, hence they don't understand when girls *cough*me*cough* go crazy...
22. "Man Law" WTF?!
23. The 'three-urinal' rule.
24. How they've got no idea when they're doing something cute, and continue to torture females with it.
25. How they're fascinated by a woman eating a banana; isn't the fact that she's BITING it a bit of a TURN OFF?!
26. Whining. Incessant whining.
27. They get really pissed off and freak out when they read lists like this, but they don't realize that it was all written in good fun and that not ALL is applicable to them in particular (some items are reserved for the lowest and most annoying members of the species), and that the author still finds them fascinating and sometimes adorable, and asks for their forgiveness. >.< ;) *sigh*

<3 Amber